How My Abusive Friendship Began
On
my 21st birthday, I met my best friend. At first, everything was amazing. It
wasn't long before I completely let him in and he became like a brother to me.
He was family. I was pretty sheltered and naïve, and quite loving, so when
things took I turn, I completely missed it. He brought me to church and we
could talk for hours about anything and everything. I remember walking into
church the first time, and feeling like I had arrived home. I knew it was where
I belonged. It wasn't long before I rededicated my life to Christ and was all
in. (I had grown up in church, but walked away around the time I was 18 because
honestly I thought Christians were hypocrites and even though I never stopped
believing in Christ, I didn't really get the point of church.)
My best friend and I did everything together. I spent hours with him daily and I trusted him completely. Little by little things began to change, and honestly, at the time, I didn't quite see the change clearly. I was working full time, so I paid every time we went out. Not a big deal to me, since I had the money, and I tend to be generous.
About 6 months into our friendship, things turned and he became physical. I remember the first time it happened, and I left. I wasn't the type of person to put up with that. No one laid a hand on me and no one laid a hand on my friends either. I hadn't been on the road home not even 5 minutes, when I knew I had to go back. He was suicidal. Looking back now, I realize that God sent me back there to keep him from doing something awful, but I chose to stay in that friendship longer than I was asked. After all, he was family in my mind.
Things didn't stay physical though, the second time it happened, we were in the car on the way to work. He was driving my car (because he had to be in control), and he needed a job, so I had gotten him one at the store I managed at the mall. I don't remember why, but something I said angered him that morning and he pushed me hitting my head on the car window. I freaked out. All I could think about was the fact I had nowhere to go. We were on the interstate going probably over 70 mphs and I was stuck. I arrived to work visibly shaken and tried to play it off to one of the sales girls that worked with me. Thankfully, it was the last time he was ever physical because I think at he realized that was a boundary he couldn't cross with me and keep me as a friend.
The friendship lasted 8 years and even though the physical abuse didn't continue, the emotional abuse he put me through was excruciating. I don't always remember a lot of the specifics because after the friendship was over, I got healing. I had a few spiritual experiences which allowed me to let go, and for me letting go means actually releasing, so I can talk about the things I do remember now, but there's no emotional garbage attached.
Part of the reason I started this blog was because I felt like it was time to tell the story of what I went through with this friend because I believe my story can help others. It's not about shaming the person, which is why I won't ever use his real name, but it's about helping someone else move on and heal. Sometimes, in the midst of abuse it's hard to see we are being abused, but we know something isn't right. It's when we distance ourselves from it or have the chance to be delivered from it, we gain a better perspective and can see more clearly. Things in this life may be rough, but there is always hope and change can happen if we let it. I am living proof of that.
My best friend and I did everything together. I spent hours with him daily and I trusted him completely. Little by little things began to change, and honestly, at the time, I didn't quite see the change clearly. I was working full time, so I paid every time we went out. Not a big deal to me, since I had the money, and I tend to be generous.
About 6 months into our friendship, things turned and he became physical. I remember the first time it happened, and I left. I wasn't the type of person to put up with that. No one laid a hand on me and no one laid a hand on my friends either. I hadn't been on the road home not even 5 minutes, when I knew I had to go back. He was suicidal. Looking back now, I realize that God sent me back there to keep him from doing something awful, but I chose to stay in that friendship longer than I was asked. After all, he was family in my mind.
Things didn't stay physical though, the second time it happened, we were in the car on the way to work. He was driving my car (because he had to be in control), and he needed a job, so I had gotten him one at the store I managed at the mall. I don't remember why, but something I said angered him that morning and he pushed me hitting my head on the car window. I freaked out. All I could think about was the fact I had nowhere to go. We were on the interstate going probably over 70 mphs and I was stuck. I arrived to work visibly shaken and tried to play it off to one of the sales girls that worked with me. Thankfully, it was the last time he was ever physical because I think at he realized that was a boundary he couldn't cross with me and keep me as a friend.
The friendship lasted 8 years and even though the physical abuse didn't continue, the emotional abuse he put me through was excruciating. I don't always remember a lot of the specifics because after the friendship was over, I got healing. I had a few spiritual experiences which allowed me to let go, and for me letting go means actually releasing, so I can talk about the things I do remember now, but there's no emotional garbage attached.
Part of the reason I started this blog was because I felt like it was time to tell the story of what I went through with this friend because I believe my story can help others. It's not about shaming the person, which is why I won't ever use his real name, but it's about helping someone else move on and heal. Sometimes, in the midst of abuse it's hard to see we are being abused, but we know something isn't right. It's when we distance ourselves from it or have the chance to be delivered from it, we gain a better perspective and can see more clearly. Things in this life may be rough, but there is always hope and change can happen if we let it. I am living proof of that.
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