The Day I Let Go of My Anger
My dad was never physical abusive with us, but he was emotional abusive growing up. I remember him telling me I was a failure and would never amount to anything when I was a teenager. Needless to say, we fought a lot back then, and I had some severe anger issues.
Thankfully, our story didn't end there. As stated in a previous post, I ended up back in church at the age of 21. I turned 21 in November, and the following Father's Day (ironically enough) is when I had an experience which set me free. Months before I actually got freedom, my dad had come to me to ask for forgiveness. Of course, I was stubborn and told him no. So, fast forward a few months and it's Father's Day. I went to church that morning and then went to spend some time with my family before going to spend time with the best friend. As per our usual, my dad and I got into a fight, and when I got back to church that night for Sunday night service, I was upset. Worship service started and I remember thinking I was tired of fighting and so tired of being angry. Before I knew it, Pastor had called everyone into the middle of the church and I was one of the farthest from the altar. I'm quite sure I had help making it there, but it wasn't long before I found myself sobbing on my knees at the front of the church. I couldn't tell you what was going on around me. I just knew I had enough and I wanted change more than I had ever wanted it in my life. I'm not sure how long I cried, but I had a lot to get out, so I knew it lasted for a while. However, somewhere in the middle of things, something changed. I remember an overwhelming peace come over me and I knew without a doubt that my mom, my dad and my best friend would be ok. My emotions also changed from tears of anguish to laughter. When I left the church that night, I went home and even now I can't tell you how things went at the house when I got there. But, I know I told my dad that I forgave him, and our relationship was forever altered. It wasn't long after that my mom and dad both ended up at the church and are still there to this day.
What I didn't realize at the time was I healed from my anger that day. A few days after, I realized the things which normally would set me off weren't affecting me. Nothing was causing me to get mad. I had relinquished my pain on Father's Day and literally left it at the altar. Because of that, healing had occurred and the anger accompanying it was no longer found in me. My sister can attest to the fact I could be quite rageful as a teenager. The rage was gone and it's never come back. I can look back and I know my father and I had issues as a kid, but there's no pain there any longer. They are just memories without emotions attached. My dad is an amazing man and to see the growth in his life over the years has been incredible. God had been working on my dad at the same time He was working on teaching me to forgive and let go. Both things together changed everything for us, and I couldn't imagine my life without the support of both my parents.
It was literally the first time my heart was healed. God's restored it a few times since then, but this was my day of freedom. That Father's Day was the day I took myself back and wasn't a product of my emotional abuse any longer. I was still naive and have/had some things to work through (a never-ending battle), but a day of freedom nonetheless for which I will always be grateful.
Thankfully, our story didn't end there. As stated in a previous post, I ended up back in church at the age of 21. I turned 21 in November, and the following Father's Day (ironically enough) is when I had an experience which set me free. Months before I actually got freedom, my dad had come to me to ask for forgiveness. Of course, I was stubborn and told him no. So, fast forward a few months and it's Father's Day. I went to church that morning and then went to spend some time with my family before going to spend time with the best friend. As per our usual, my dad and I got into a fight, and when I got back to church that night for Sunday night service, I was upset. Worship service started and I remember thinking I was tired of fighting and so tired of being angry. Before I knew it, Pastor had called everyone into the middle of the church and I was one of the farthest from the altar. I'm quite sure I had help making it there, but it wasn't long before I found myself sobbing on my knees at the front of the church. I couldn't tell you what was going on around me. I just knew I had enough and I wanted change more than I had ever wanted it in my life. I'm not sure how long I cried, but I had a lot to get out, so I knew it lasted for a while. However, somewhere in the middle of things, something changed. I remember an overwhelming peace come over me and I knew without a doubt that my mom, my dad and my best friend would be ok. My emotions also changed from tears of anguish to laughter. When I left the church that night, I went home and even now I can't tell you how things went at the house when I got there. But, I know I told my dad that I forgave him, and our relationship was forever altered. It wasn't long after that my mom and dad both ended up at the church and are still there to this day.
What I didn't realize at the time was I healed from my anger that day. A few days after, I realized the things which normally would set me off weren't affecting me. Nothing was causing me to get mad. I had relinquished my pain on Father's Day and literally left it at the altar. Because of that, healing had occurred and the anger accompanying it was no longer found in me. My sister can attest to the fact I could be quite rageful as a teenager. The rage was gone and it's never come back. I can look back and I know my father and I had issues as a kid, but there's no pain there any longer. They are just memories without emotions attached. My dad is an amazing man and to see the growth in his life over the years has been incredible. God had been working on my dad at the same time He was working on teaching me to forgive and let go. Both things together changed everything for us, and I couldn't imagine my life without the support of both my parents.
It was literally the first time my heart was healed. God's restored it a few times since then, but this was my day of freedom. That Father's Day was the day I took myself back and wasn't a product of my emotional abuse any longer. I was still naive and have/had some things to work through (a never-ending battle), but a day of freedom nonetheless for which I will always be grateful.
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